Featured Image: A Polaroid of my parents around my age now. Since they’re both featured in this post I figured I’d share a picture of them.
Hot girl summer has started and I’m moving next weekend so things are too hectic to write a thought-provoking blog for you all. So, like my previous post, “Snapshots“, here are some snippets from my life in the past two months, in the order in which I typed them into my iPhone’s notes app.
“Going for a walk“
Just watched a bee land on a fake flower. F
“Wendy’s Drive Thru“
“and what sauce would you like?”
“Awesome sauce please”
“Is that cause you’re awesome?”
“Are you gunna get drinks there?”
“I don’t know they’re kinda expensive” I say while walking out the door.
“Well he’s paying isn’t he?”
“Someone Said This To Me”
“If my family was dead, I would be on molly everyday. Like if I had no aspirations, I would just do molly everyday”
“New England Haiku”
So many potholes
in Massachusetts, yet there’s
excise tax on cars?
“Tweets You Can’t Tweet At A Funeral“
I went to reach for a tissue and someone thought I was walking over to talk to them. I just have a lot of boogers in my mask from crying, sorry.
My cousin’s friend is kinda hot though, for a ginger.
Why did my grandma’s boyfriend just shark tank me an idea for a temperature controlled bidet?
I mean, yeah, my butthole also sometimes bleeds when I use toilet paper, Grandma’s boyfriend
Me, trying to auditory process my Grandma’s boyfriend’s accent in a loud room while a few drinks deep: ahh yes, mhm, oh? Well of course. Exactly.
Just found out I’m more Turkish than Egyptian. Don’t know who I am anymore.
Fuck I still have to go grocery shopping after this.
My mother grabbed my head with both of her hands and pulled it into her. “How can you be so smart with such a small little head”
“That must be why it hurts all the time,” I said.
“Tweets From The Gyno“
Why does it feel sexist that they always have HGTV on? But like… they’re right? Is it sexist if they’re right?
Something demoralizing about handing a cup of warm piss to someone you barely know. Why am I so embarrassed about my hydration levels?
At least you get to keep your socks on, amirite?
I don’t know why they ask how many partners you’ve had in the last year. I don’t need the judgement. But yes, please give me an STD test.
Why does every guy I talk to try to get me to invest in the stock market or cryptocurrency?
“Cheek to Cheek“
“Alright I’m rolling over now because I sleep on my right side,” he says.
“Guess we’re going butt to butt.”
We’re quiet for a few moments, and then he snickers.
“We’re like, actually butt to butt right now.”
I’ve never been in a dive bar and not had a man or woman in their sixties explain to me that they’re divorced and their kids don’t talk to them anymore. It’s almost as if there’s some sort of correlation.
“And I put all my files into one binder— my lease, my car, my taxes, you know all that.”
He laughed. “You are your father’s daughter.” He kissed the top of my head.