Featured image: The front page of my first diary.
First of all, yes, Andria, you do grow boobs. I know you were worried about that. You will, however, never find a bra that fits you comfortably; you win some you lose some.
I’m sorry to tell you that none of your crushes in elementary or middle school ever really like you. But you do have sex with a few of them later in life. I did that more for you than for me, but, so it goes.
And I’m sorry about what happened to your body when you got your period. I know your brain doesn’t feel the same and it only gets stranger. My best advice is to stay active, get a therapist (not the hypnotist), continue your bubble baths but try not to let weed become your main hobby (surprise! DARE didn’t work), and don’t let any doctors sucker you into multiple medications because they will try and they never worked for me. It’s an ongoing battle and I know at the time it seems really hard to fight and even now I’m having trouble myself. I forgive you for not fighting hard enough back then but it wouldn’t hurt if you tried harder.
Older boys do not think you’re mature, they’re just pedophiles and manipulators. Don’t trust them. Don’t hang out with them. I know you think you’re mature and invincible but trust me the trauma comes later and it will make your skin crawl.
Choose her over him, when the time comes. I know I can’t stop you from having a crush on him but when she asks you to choose one of them, choose her. Please choose her. Please. I know it will change the trajectory of us in a way I can’t comprehend but no trauma is worth character growth.
If you can, just stay away from anyone with a J name; it’s uncanny how often J names hurt you.
Actually just be careful with boys in general. Please try going like a month without having a crush on someone because it becomes a nasty habit. I’ll tell you this now; you’ll only be in love once, at least by 25. Everyone else was just because you were bored, or easily manipulated. And don’t daydream about them because you’re hurting yourself with your great expectations.
I know how much you love being independent and you’ll get so much of that freedom you crave when you go to college. College will be tough but it’s a utopia compared to adult life and I want you to enjoy it as much as you can. Get out of bed. Make more friends. Join a club. Use the goddamn university pool. Put a little more effort into your schoolwork, too.
And please wear sunscreen and start a skin regimen earlier. You somehow get acne in your twenties and the damage from the sun shows up later. Wear your retainer, or your teeth will go back to being crooked. Dont straighten your hair as much as you do; I know it was the fashion but you have thin hair girl, and it’s damaging. And don’t pick at your face please, it leaves scars.
Oh and you’re bisexual. You’ll realize in about a year. Please kiss more girls for us.
Also there’s a pandemic in 2020 but you actually do really well and it’s the least depressed you’ll ever be. Don’t stress about it too much. Maybe buy stock in Pfizer and Purell though.
What would you tell your 13 year old self?