Featured image: Just a cool mushroom I saw on a hike. No relation.
I don’t know about you but I write a lot in my notes app. From lists to rants to late night thoughts to funny quotes from my friends. A lot of it is funny, and some of it is sad, but both are equally entertaining to me, so I have curated the below for your viewing pleasure:
“There’s a girl up front who seems to know all the words to their songs but they haven’t played in two years”
“So she fucked someone in the band”
“Definitely fucked someone in the band”
Is It OK to Be Alone?
There’s something deeply heart wrenching about shopping in the meal-for-one section at the super market. Because I know why I’m there — I live alone, and I’m single. But the man in his fifties next to me looking at the same “sausage and peppers for 1” as me? The woman in her seventies contemplating over the healthy frozen meals? And I want to tell her that the “power bowls” suck, because we are both in this together.
I fear that pitiful eyes will fall upon me as I peruse the premade general Tsos and say “I’ll never finish that”, while at the same time, I am pitying the ones I stand next to. Yet we are both in this.
When I go out to eat alone, and ask for a table for one, and they ask if the bar is okay, I say of course. I know you want to save the tables for bigger parties.
At church, I see a lot of older women sitting alone and I pity them. I wonder if they’re divorced, or widowed, or if their husbands wouldn’t come, or if they just never found someone. I wonder if they look upon me and wonder the same. I want to join their after-church chats but what would we talk about, what do we have in common besides the assumption of loneliness?
Between Two Worlds (written March 2021)
I had two weeks off between jobs. At first it was glorious; I went hiking, did all the shopping my heart could desire, saw friends, read, wrote. Then eventually I did get a little bored. Hiking got lonely. I ran out of things to buy and my credit card was a bit overused. I realized I couldn’t actually see that many friends due to covid, but also that I didn’t have many friends to see. My eyes got tired of reading, and my heart was too empty to write.
Without the ability to travel, time off meant next to nothing. Sure I felt a little refreshed but going back to working forty hours felt that much worse.
“And we were doing DMT in her kitchen, ya know, normal stuff”
To the tune of “Get Lucky” by Daft Punk: I’m Up All Night With Anxiety
When you know your chronic stress and anxiety is taking years off your life: AAAAHHHH
When you know social media is ruining your brain but you need it as a distraction: AAAAAHHHH
When you want a job but the thought of getting a job gives you impending doom; AAAHHHH
When you want a significant other but the thought of losing your independence is terrifying: AAAAAHHH
When you love living alone but that just means you’ve successfully isolated yourself once again: AAAHHHHHH
When you know capitalism is a losing game but you have to keep playing it: AAAAHHHH
When dirty dishes give you anxiety but the thought of doing them also gives you anxiety: AAAAHHH
When your chronic anxiety gives you chronic digestive issues and now you have food anxiety: AAHHHHH
When your anxiety is giving you anxiety: AAAAAHHHH
What I Learned My Junior Year of College – written March 2017
1. Guys are still soOo shitty like legitimately all of them; the lack of empathy is absolutely mind blowing, their understanding of right, wrong, the word no–is non-existent.
2. Don’t let me go to parties alone. My inclination to do stupid shit and lack of concern for my own safety can only be stopped by a loyal friend. Use the buddy system.
3. It becomes a drinking problem when you graduate, right?
4. My vote doesn’t matter I guess, nor my opinion in general. If you’re a girl hanging out with a group of guys any word you say is either ignored or shot down– at least in many of my experiences.
5. Money can buy you literally everything but happiness
6. Time is soooo fucked up like either I’m not handling it well or it doesnt even exist as a palpable thing besides the fact that society tells us it’s 2017 (like who even decided this shit, like Jesus?) (also daylight savings time is like made up??)
7. Driving is SO scary like you can die so easily?? Cars go so fast?? But like I still go 90?? And at least 70 on those S curves goin into/out of Providence amirite
8. Keeping busy keeps a busy mind busy
9. There’s a couch in the bathroom at my psychiatrists office. Why? May inquire.
10. Words are fake everything is fake nothing is real besides perception god isnt real the government is lying to you we’re all gunna die nothing matters do whatever you want”
“I’m only the referee of this game not your life”
“That hasn’t happened since before corona”
They blame us for being so polarized yet they only allow us two parties. Yes there’s the libertarian and green parties but why am “not allowed to vote for them” and it’ll be “my fault if Trump wins” if I do? They brainwashed us into thinking we can only have two— because they know the democrats will split. Democrats are made up of moderates and liberals and progressives and leftists. Republicans are mostly conservative and are really only broken into the fanatical and the apathetic. “Everything is so divisive” — yeah they did that on purpose. A divided country will never be able to progress.
That’s it, that’s the joke
A store called “Bunghole Liquors”
That’s it, that’s the joke pt.2
“Emergency Exit” with graffiti underneath “Butthole”
Dump His Ass
Was at a bar and was waiting a long time to get a drink. Suddenly an extremely drunk girl and a nice woman are next to me saying she needs a water, and stat. I try get to get the bartenders attention to no avail, so I’m here with this drunk girl and this nice lady. Drunk girl says that she is “so old”. Nice lady says “old? I’m a grandma.” My head turns at breakneck speed. I tell her she looks amazing; drunk girl calls her a GILF. The GILF shows us her 11 day old grandbaby. Drunk girl says she’s infertile and she wants a baby with her husband and she’s taken the fertility tests but he hasn’t cum in a cup to see if it’s his problem. We tell her he needs to cum in a goddamn cup. We ask where her husband is; he’s getting the car. We say your man’s a loser. She says but he got me this $10,000 wedding ring and I’m like oh damn but the GILF is like “that’s nothing”. The drunk girl goes on to say that the other night her husband slapped his dick across her face and she saw red due to being brutally raped at 13. When she told her husband not to do that, he said “why are you painting me like I’m a rapist?”. Me and GILF say leave this man!!! She repeats that he’s “such a good man”. Finally I get her two waters. She leaves. GILF stands next to me at the bar and says “why didn’t you save me from that?” And I was like bruh I thought she was your friend. We chat. We see the same gynecologist. She tells me she’s been single for a long time I say same. She says marriage is a sham, with a good example being the tragedy we just witnessed. She orders 3 tequila shots and says I know I’ll never see you again but nice meeting you. When I got my drink after a half hour, it starts to pour and I have to chug my drink and run back to my apartment with my friend in the rain.
Boogie Boarding – quote from 3-17-17
“You’re not on the same wavelength, it’s like they’re surfing and you’re boogie boarding”
Self-Destruction – written 4-3-17 2:00AM
Self-destructive tendencies and reckless behavior are key elements of depression, and I think it grows from the fact that we know we cannot kill ourselves–everyone is saying we can’t, even ourselves. But you know what we can do? Anything we fucking want because we are not scared of dying, and if anything goes wrong during these reckless adventures, the back up plan is just death.
Spot the Difference
“Birds and bats. They’re like the same thing but opposite.”
I’m in the middle of writing a blog post about whether men and women can actually be friends and it’s requiring a lot of research so I wasn’t able to get it out this week. Stay tuned next week for “Why Can’t We Be Friends?”