Featured Image: This is the only photo I’ll ever post of my side profile. Also, after making my title after a One Direction song, I realized it’s from 2011 and that explains how Harry Styles got hot, he just went through puberty.
I have a few guy friends that I swap dating advice with. Not only is it mutually beneficial to get a perspective from the opposing gender, but a lot of it is just hyping each other up. Example:
Last weekend after some around-the-fire-pit talk with two of my guy friends, I somehow got to talking about my nose. I’ve been insecure about the length of my nose since I gained sentience. I expressed this, and they were genuinely surprised– my nose was fine, they said, guys don’t care that much about noses.
GUYS DON’T CARE ABOUT NOSES?
And all this time I was so concerned.
Sure, two 24-year-old men from my small town in Massachusetts is not a big enough sample size to prove that all men do not care about noses. But damn is it good enough for me.
This got me thinking about how most of our insecurities go unnoticed. Mostly because, get this, no one fucking cares.
Most people are too self-absorbed to notice anyone else’s flaws but their own. Which is great news!
When we become so worried and obsessed with these small flaws, the lack of confidence is what becomes unattractive. The more confident you are, the less people are going to pick up on the thing you don’t like about yourself, whether that be physical or personality-wise.
Have you ever talked to someone and they say something along the lines of “I’m sorry for talking about x so much.” Like, well, yeah now that you mention it you do talk about x a little much, but I was enjoying it before you brought it to my attention. Then, as the receiver of that comment, whether or not you mind that they keep talking about x, you feel like you have to say “It’s okay! I don’t mind!” and they most definitely are not going to believe you, leaving both of you feeling avoidably uncomfortable.
You can’t be anyone but yourself. If you like to go on rants about the birds you saw on your birdfeeder this morning, just find someone who also likes birds, or at least loves you enough to let you talk about them. If someone does tell you that you talk about birds too much, leave them and join birdwatchingdate.com (this is a real site).
You also can’t be any other physical entity other than yourself, as much as many of us would rather be a glittering plume of smoke than a human being. Even if you can change the physical appearance of something through surgery or what have you, don’t do it because you think it will make you more conventionally attractive. You do have a free pass however if it is for your physical or mental health.
I know what I am saying here directly contradicts something I said in this post (though I did say I was kidding). However, the best thing you can do is be unapologetically yourself. It really does a lot of the work for you when it comes to picking out potential mates. Confident people can be intimidating; They can’t be manipulated because their self-worth comes intrinsically. If someone is intimidated by your confidence and your authentic self, then they are not worthy of your time (also that’s a huge red flag).
There’s no feeling more freeing than the knowledge that nobody cares and nothing matters. Sure, it may feel a bit existential sometimes in an “Oh god no one cares about me and nothing matters so what’s the point ahhhh!” kind of way. But turn that existential crisis upside-down and instead say “Oh hell yeah no one cares what I do and nothing matters, so I might as well do whatever the fuck I want*”
*besides bodily or mental harm to others
Two of the people whose screenshots I used in “Dating But It’s On The Internet” have texted me this week. One of them still reads my blog and knew that was his screenshot, and asked for a second chance. The other is probably illiterate, considering this was the last message I had sent him, back in 2018:
(He was friends with my ex, too)