I wish I could use this excuse for more things. But yeah, I got sad. And when I get sad, I can’t do anything, even the things I like, like this blog, which I’ve largely avoided for weeks.
I saw the buildup coming, and I was pretty much in hardcore denial. I kept repeating this mantra that I’d “beaten” depression and gained a bit of an anger-management problem in its place, and how that was fine with me. Sadness breeds stagnation, but anger gives motivation, I’d say.
But no, I’m just sad, and that’s okay. The anger was giving me ulcers anyway.
Thankfully, I haven’t really had a lot of work lately, and so I’ve spent the last few weeks resting. And that’s okay. I’ve got to believe that it is okay to take a break from things for a little while. I’m not going to fall behind just because I take a mental health day (more like 2 weeks but, that’s okay.) My parents aren’t going to be disappointed in me and disown me because I need a break. My friends aren’t going to forget about me because I don’t leave the house as often as I used to. My jobs aren’t going to fire me– oh wait no, I did lose one job because I forgot to email her back over the holidays.
I was doing too many things at once. I had all these plans and jobs and projects and interviews, and I got overwhelmed. And when I get overwhelmed, I end up dropping everything. You’ve got to take life in easy bite-sized pieces or you’re going to choke. Oh, and just say no when someone tries to shove something in your mouth that you don’t have the room for.
I think overall we have a burnout problem in our society, because we’re expected to constantly produce and taking a break is considered poor work ethic. We’re expected to answer every text, email and phone call in a timely manner. We’re expected to be constantly doing something and if we’re not we’re lazy and unmotivated. But taking time for yourself is o-fucking-kay because whatever corporation you work for, you bet your ass that CEO is taking a two -week vacation to Hawaii. Take your fucking paid time off. Take your sick days when you’re feeling down. Call out if you think you’re going to crumble into a million pieces if you step into that building. Ignore some chores for a little while if you feel like doing laundry might actually kill you. Don’t answer that text if you’re not in the mood. Take that six-hour daytime nap if you really want to.
You’re not a piece of shit for needing a break.